Mama

I wrote this blog a month ago, during my layover in Hong Kong, on my unexpected flight to Manila to see my beloved Mama one last time.

Four more hours and I will be in Manila. For the first time, I am not excited to visit my family in the Philippines; because this time there will be no Mama waiting for my arrival.

Have you ever asked God for something yet you wished would not be answered? Last month, after I was informed by my sister that they had rushed Mama to the hospital, I prayed to God that if He is calling Mama home, please just take her peacefully and not let her be in pain. “It will break our hearts, but it is not about us, it’s about her so please God do not let her suffer”.

God answered my prayer. On Sunday, April 26th, I lost one of my pillars, my inspiration – my mother. I am grateful for the opportunity to have visited the Philippines last December – that turned out to be the last time I would see, kiss and hug Mama alive. It was also the last birthday and Christmas day we celebrated as one complete family. She was 75 years old. She died peacefully at 3:20 pm, at her home, surrounded by her loved ones. Eight minutes before she took her last breath, my brother called to deliver the sad news. I was numb for awhile. It felt like a surreal nightmare. Next thing I know was my sister was telling me she will put the phone to Mama’s ear so I can say my goodbyes. How do you say goodbye? What do you tell your dying mother? “I love you very much. I am sorry. I wish I could do more for you. We will take care of Padir. We will be okay”. I didn’t tell her it will take a lifetime to be okay without our Mama.

In the next hour, with a heavy heart, I will be boarding the plane that will take me to Manila to see my dear Mama one last time.

I miss you already, Madir. I am brokenhearted. I find comfort in knowing you are not in pain, You are in my heart. Always.

The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her.